Love.

6/7/09

 

Being in Capetown has really made me reflect upon the privileges I have had growing up. How many people can say they spent a month in a different area of the world to study? Yes, it is common, but I know plenty of people who would have never dared venture out of their comfort zones, and that is totally fine.  Because I have grown up in an upper middle-class families, I was “automatically” granted with many valuables: toys and clothes that were replaced often, numerous family vacations, grown up knowing I would go to college, attending college, and will one day have a career, a home, a new car, vacations, etc.  To put it in simple terms, I have never been underprivileged. I have also gotten these things relatively easily. I’m not saying that I am not hard working, because I am, however; because of my socio economic status and skin color (statistically speaking), I have it good. Now let’s look at families, more specifically children in Guguletu. These children are highly underprivileged- there aren’t toys, nor are there new clothes that come in when school starts or when the family makes a trip to the mall, but instead these children are lucky if they have a couple of ratty outfits to be washed daily, there is no vision or guidance on college or what it even is, survival is more important and even if they did want to go to college or had the dream it is extremely hard to find the finances to do so, the unemployment rate is incredibly high- around 70% in Guguletu so jobs are far and few, and homes consist of tin shacks and cars in many families are nonexistent. Because of their socio economic status and race (due to Apartheid and the after effects), this lifestyle is cyclical and incredibly depressing to me. And it is not fair. It has been about 5 days since Guguletu and I am back in my comfortable “Capetown” surroundings- hot water and showers, conveniences that I am getting used to (suck as Pick n’ Pay, which is a chain of South African grocery stores), etc. and it almost feelings like I have lived two lives. I feel unauthentic.

 

I think one of the biggest things I will take away from this trip is the importance of honoring myself and what I value the most in my life. And in return, using that as fuel to help others and make a difference. I sometimes struggle with congruence in what my values are and what I actually do and I have realized I need to commit myself to more of that congruence. I have realized that my genuine concern for others has somewhat spiraled out of control in certain areas of my life or relationships and it has immensely affected me in the sense that I am pouring my heart and genuine efforts into areas that could be used as fuel in more important things in my life, such as volunteering, mentoring, taking time for myself, etc. And it has been brought to my attention because I have been relatively unstressed this WHOLE trip and I have realized how much dead weight some relationships can add to your life.

 

One of the best memories I will take away from this trip is the warmth, hospitality, acceptance, and love we were shown in Guguletu. On a daily basis, my host mama called me “my sweet angel” and hugged me as I left for class. These people not only shared their homes with stranger, bur shared their hearts and their wisdom and that is something unique to this area of the world. I already miss it. One of the host mamas and I ended up having a conversation about how good hugs and kisses feel and that no one hugs and kisses enough. Hugging someone can brighten their day and make them feel wanted and appreciated which is something everyone has the right to feel. It baffles me that these people have very little, yet happiness is apparent. Is it because they no know different? Or because it is something they cannot buy, but have the ability to have? Happiness is a PRECIOUS, precious gift and something I highly value. I have met people who are unhappy and have many things one would think make them happy and it makes me proud to feel and know that I have happiness and it is something no one can take away from me.

 

Today at the waterfront in Capetown (which is an area on the ocean, upper scale) I bought a toe ring. Whenever I travel somewhere different, I try to buy a ring to symbolize and remember my experiences. The ring I bought in South Africa is probably the most meaningful ring I have bought thus far. It is sterling silver and in the middle has a circle of lines that are intertwined. It symbolizes all of the connections I have made here and emotions I have felt- hope, love, empathy, sadness, and passion.

 

One of my biggest fears about this experience and particular trip to this area of the world, South Africa, is that over time, I will forget. I will forget the memories, the opportunities, the experiences, the people, and the meaning of why I came here in the first place. I fear I will go home to Minneapolis and slide back into my normal life and forget the things I felt and experienced on this trip. I fear I will forget the faces, the people, the disparity of wealth that is so abundantly apparent, the unique leaders and people I have been blessed to share this trip with, the host mamas, the children of Guguletu, the city and it’s beautiful landscapes, the lack of time keeping, and many, many more things that I could list. My question is “now what” and how do I prevent this from happening? I know I want to do something whether it is direct or indirect with Guguletu, but I want to make a difference somewhere. That is the hardest thing about this trip, is how to articulate “now what” and I think I will struggle with this for quite a while.

 

 

6/10/09

 

Today we had class at UCT and reflected upon a lot of the concepts we learned in our first 1000 level leadership course- the social change model made up of the individual, community, and then group. As I got to thinking, I realized that I feel as if I am still at an individual level, which is somewhat frustrating especially after taking 2 leadership courses and soon to be 3. Maybe my time here just has not sunk in yet.

 

 

Today at the waterfront in Capetown (which is an area on the ocean, upper scale) I bought a toe ring. Whenever I travel somewhere different, I try to buy a ring to symbolize and remember my experiences. The ring I bought in South Africa is probably the most meaningful ring I have bought thus far. It is sterling silver and in the middle has a circle of lines that are intertwined. It symbolizes all of the connections I have made here and emotions I have felt- hope, love, empathy, sadness, and passion.

 

One of my biggest fears about this experience and particular trip to this area of the world, South Africa, is that over time, I will forget. I will forget the memories, the opportunities, the experiences, the people, and the meaning of why I came here in the first place. I fear I will go home to Minneapolis and slide back into my normal life and forget the things I felt and experienced on this trip. I fear I will forget the faces, the people, the disparity of wealth that is so abundantly apparent, the unique leaders and people I have been blessed to share this trip with, the host mamas, the children of Guguletu, the city and it’s beautiful landscapes, the lack of time keeping, and many, many more things that I could list. My question is “now what” and how do I prevent this from happening? I know I want to do something whether it is direct or indirect with Guguletu, but I want to make a difference somewhere. That is the hardest thing about this trip, is how to articulate “now what” and I think I will struggle with this for quite a while.