Emptiness & Patience.

"Empty spaces show up when activities stop. They show up when a relationship ends, and when a big, important project is on the horizon. Empty spaces can be scary, lonely, and sad at first. They can feel paralyzing. But when the empty spaces show up – if we let them – that is exactly when our lives get quiet enough to make room for what is next."- Jenny Blake ( www.lifeaftercollege.org)

This quote sums up what I've been feeling and experiencing this past month after both of my study abroad experiences. To this date, it has been just over a year from when I returned from South Africa, and just over a month from when I returned from the US Virgin Islands. And how do I feel? Exhilierated? Thrilled? Happy? More experienced? Yes. I feel all of those things. But do you want to know what I feel most? I feel empty and lonely.

As I continue to re-acclimate into my life post-Virgin Islands, I find myself continually having a hard time with my transition ( which I talked about in a previous blogpost titled 'Bridges') and re-entering back into life in the US. Why you ask? I continue to find myself having less and less patience with myself, friends, work ( instead of progressing, I'm regressing) and to be honest, life in general. I have good days. And I have bad days. But I'll throw a shoutout and say this past week was one of the most mentally taxing & exhausting weeks I've had in my entire life. And I ask myself, why? Was it because I was busier than I've ever been before? No. Was it because it was physically exhausting? No. Was it because I'm truly unhappy? No. Was it because I was homesick? No. What I did realize after a night of alone time to decompress my thoughts and feelings ( SOOO needed), is that I am experiencing this exhaustion because I've felt the most impatient I've ever felt in my ENTIRE life. And I've felt empty and lonely for my experiences in life off the mainland.

As cliche as this sounds, patience really is a virtue. Patience is a virtue when it comes to surrounding yourself with children, with a new job ( and you experience learning curves), when you don't fully comprehend material for a test, whatever it be......patience does not come naturally to most. I continue to struggle with find "inner patience", which translates into me becoming easily upset with "outer patience" ( EX: having patience for friends or work or the world, in general).....and this week, I snapped. I could see my lack of patience affected me mentally ( at work, with friends) and physically- I was incredibly tired.

As as the leadership minor has taught me ( what? So What? Now What)......how do I move forward and overcome this impatience barrier? I'll be genuinly honest and tell you I don't have the answer for that fantastic question. I do know that I have some awesome resources (such as friends who've struggled with re-entry and can lend an earn or a words of advice on how to deal with this) and need to be spending more alone time with myself to process these feelings and thoughts so they don't eat me alive! From now on, I have decided, that I will dedicate one day or activity to myself each week so that I can have my alone time and *hopefully* learn to develop more patience with myself and what I am experiencing.

And to leave on a positive note ( because I am a true believer in optimism), I hope everyone has a wonderful fourth of July!! And not only to celebrate the birth of our country (and all we stand for), but to celebrate YOUR independence and all of the things that make you uniquely you!

Warm Wishes,
Emily